Legacy

Being a man is hard to plan
It’s all I can do to grow the ways I can
It’s not what it seemed
So what does it mean?
And how can I model a man I’ve never seen?
Is he only a dream?

I learned how not to be a man from Dad
Best teacher that I never had
He didn’t run off so I thought he did his part
But there’s pain in my heart, an aching lack
Foundation cracked

For all these years I’ve struggled with fear
Taking what lessons I can by watching my peers
Learning the hardest truths by trial and error
Errors on errors, terrors on terrors
Hurting those I care for

I’m bitter see, for legacy
An inheritance to seed the best in me
But what’s left to me is just fragility
A toxic, cowardly twist on masculinity
False identity

You had the same choice
but fear got your best
You had the same choice
but you let the fear
You let it slide, let it slide
Deep down

You had the same choice
but fear got your best

Who’s at fault? Who’s to blame?
Am I bound to carry his fears if I carry his name?
All I know is
Things can’t remain the same
It’s time to change

So what man will I be?
Will a man even be left of me?
What’s my legacy?
Will those I leave inherit a trust? A wealth of love?
Or bitter memory? It’s up to me.
Always was.
Understandable reasons are never enough.
Change is love.